A Glimpse into the Pysche of Josef Stalin

[HAVE YOU EVER..]
been kissed? Da! By many a fine peasant girl under pain of the gulag!
lied to a friend? Josef Stalin only speaks the truth, whatever he says is the truth.
dyed ur hair? Nyet.
dressed punk? Punk?
kissed a girl? Da, for same reasons I've been kissed.
saw something u didnt want to? Da, Nazi pig-dog tanks of facist oppression at the gates of Muscovy.
danced in the rain? Nyet, in Soviet Russia rain dances in you.
lied to ur parents? Da, then purged them.
went barefoot in the snow? haha! Do you see Glorious Leader Stalin in a gulag? Nyet.
made ur own clothes? See above, comrade.
[IN THE LAST 24 HOURS..]
got in a fite? Da, with my alcoholism. I lost.
took a shower? Nyet. Showers in the USSR are trying to kill me.
gave a dirty look to someone? I'm Stalin.
cried=( ? NYET! STALIN MEANS STEEL FOR A REASON MOZILLA CAPITALIST PIG!
did a cartwheel? Da, I'm the best in the glorious Union.
went to school? I am the school.
shopped? Nyet, I only demand.
danced? Who dares to dance better than Stalin?
got sick? STALIN = STEEL!
did something u regret? The Leader is ircorruptible!
discovered something new? Pravda said we invented baseball first!
[IN SCHOOL YOU...]
run to class because ur always late? Class starts when Stalin says to start!
act perfect? Act?
act hyper? Nyet. I am cold, slow, and solid. Stalin means.... you get the point, da?
are a nerd? No head of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and defeater of Adolf Hitler is a nerd!
in band?? Stalin is the band.
[RIGHT NOW UR..]
in ur pjs? I always sleep in my uniform. Unless I don't sleep. Steel, comrade, steel.
drinkin water? Sure. It's clear...
listening to music? Glorious Soviet workers' hymns!
watching a movie? Da! Collectivized Farm Fuck VII
iming someone? Nyet! Someone IMs me!
talkin on the fone? No, fone talks to me!
eating? Nyet.
[CLOTHES..]
hot topic or abercrombie and fitch? USSR Army Uniform wholesaler
thongs or briefs? Stalin feels a bit awkward
boxers anyone?!?! Da, only if they can beat Rocky
sweatpants or jeans? Military pants/
longsleeved shirts or short sleeve? Long, for Marshal Winter.
tube tops or tanks? Tube, comrade, and should you question it....
[CURRENTLY .. ]
current clothes? grey coat, grey pants, black boots, grey hat, RED STARS!
current mood? I hate the West. I hate the West. I hate the West. I hate the West.
current music? The ice cubes in my....water
current taste? Borsch!
current make-up? Revlon's Khmer Rouge!
current thing I ought to be doing? Purging. Again.
[ LAST PERSON .. ]
you hugged? Nikita Khrushchev, for being such a great, loving, loyal comrade.
yelled at? The entire populace of the Ukraine
IMed? Molotov.
you touched? Stalin refuses to answer this.
[ EiTHER/0R .. ]
coffee or hot chocolate? hot chocolate. coffee is satan
big or little? Big, like the Union!
lace or satin? Cotton from collectivized farms!
new or old? New heavy industry!
vogue or cosmopolitan? You capitalists ask me to chose between a dance and a drink? Is like comparing borsch to vodka!
[DO YOU..]
put on a "front"? Da, on the east.
have a crush on someone? Da, I built Soviet steel crushers on the backs of the peasants.
if u got a tatoo where wud u get it? I would get a gulag prisoner tattoo on you for asking Steelmansky a stupid question.
[RANDOM QUESTiONS..]
waht is the online symbol u use the most? DCP (die capitalist pig)
u have a boyfriend or girlfiend? Girlfriends abound!
who's hotter, Josh Hartnett or Chad Michael Murray? Stalin!
what was the last thing you said? To the gulag!
who would u want to be stuck in an elevator with? Crazy capitalist horsefaced Tyler singing man.
do you like stickers? Only if they have scents of glorious people's tropical fruits.
do u play with mad libs wen ur bored? In Soviet Russia, my Mad Libs play you!
are you suicidal? Just once when I could make out the iron cross on individual soldiers outside Moscow.
is your window open? Nyet. Don't want to catch capitalist flu.
what was the last pair of shoes you bought? New Balance.
do you have a little brother? Da, all of Russia!
does he draw you cute pictures? Of tractors on farms.
where do your grandparents live? Under the ground
what do you think of when you hear the word click? The sound of a finished purge.
are you a moron? NYET! I am smartest man in USSR!
do you like trampolines? Nyet, I fell on one once and Zhukov laughed. I had to purge him.
have u ever accidentally sucked something up in the vacuum? Nyet, Stalin makes glorious peoples' topless maid use vacuum
did you see American Pie 2? Nyet!
do you cut yourself? Da, while listening to Taking Back Sunday and crying as I read the capitalist pig-dog Salinger.