What Is and Should Never Be
I saw a movie.
It was some time ago, close to a month or maybe close to two. It was a while ago, which is the point, and I've been so swamped with work since then that I've lost track of time, which isn't even remotely related to any point that might possibly be brought up in this vaguely-worded entry. I saw this movie with two people, Michael Herring who avidly wanted to see it, and Daniel Hall who went along for the ride. I was pretty much in the middle, as the trailer looked interesting but I was pretty ambivalent about its outcome or any sort of theatrical criteria.
This movie, my God this movie. It had a plethora of CGI, an abundance of gizmos that allow things like breaking any law of physics and the so-called "pocket dimensions." There was a strong heroine who was not only capable of beating numerous male enemies with strength, but also allowed her heart a bit of freedom and let her emotions free instead of bottling them up in some kind of strange femme-assassin stereotype. The move was dystopian, with a leader who is horrible and sick and twisted to the extreme. This film was something new, in ways, but more of a sort of reinvention of a meme.
The movie was Ultraviolet, and it sucked.
My avid fan friend, Mr. Herring, was touting the trailer for months, showing the High Definition trailer on his parents' Mactel to anyone who would sit still long enough to see it (Which, is not too hard to do, given the amazing trailer being played on the amazing Mac box). Unfortunately for us, the trailer contained every single last bit of that movie that was even approaching anything close to decent. The movie's plot was full of holes the size of the greater Little Rock metropolitan area, there was a definite overwhelming tendency to throw massive amounts of technology and terminology inside the movie with little or no backstory behind most, or any of it. Horrible acting. A dependence on CGI as eye candy to distract the viewer from the atrocious plot was a key element, one that is insulting to anyone who has an IQ above 30.
After researching this, I found that there was a strikingly similar television series in Britain. Airing in 1998 on Channel 4, the series name was Ultraviolet. Both series are about vampiric beings, and both try to explain the vampire mythos by creating a new, more scientific basis to the mythos rather than that bloody awful demon crap. In the movie Ultraviolet it was a pathogen that made people light-sensitive and strong and fast and such. In the TV series science could beat the vampires via carbon bullets instead of stakes, allicin (an antibiotic element in garlic) gas grenades, and special ultraviolet (haha!) lamps to fry the vamps. While I'm not too sure about this, I think there's a definite correlation between the two series, enough to initially support the idea that Ultraviolet is an adaptation of Ultraviolet.
Now, Anglophilism has a firm footing in the United States. Adaptation of television shows from Britain fill our channels, with a ill-fated adaptation of the The Office being on lately, Who's Line Is It, and other type shows are around. Now, there is one show above all else that proves once and for all that British Television does not necessarily instantly mean it is better television.
People's evidence 1: Heil Honey! I'm Home!
Sweet. Jesus. Christ. In. Heaven. This show is proof, once and for all, that television is hell. The synopsis and idea definitely goes beyond the pale in terms of shock and just outright bad ideas. The synopsis is:
I cannot bring into being the words necessary to express the ideas of lunacy and insanity that must have allowed Channel 4 to bring this show to bear. All I can say is watch it yourself and sit with your jaw open. Then look at Ultraviolet. Make your own conclusions.
It was some time ago, close to a month or maybe close to two. It was a while ago, which is the point, and I've been so swamped with work since then that I've lost track of time, which isn't even remotely related to any point that might possibly be brought up in this vaguely-worded entry. I saw this movie with two people, Michael Herring who avidly wanted to see it, and Daniel Hall who went along for the ride. I was pretty much in the middle, as the trailer looked interesting but I was pretty ambivalent about its outcome or any sort of theatrical criteria.
This movie, my God this movie. It had a plethora of CGI, an abundance of gizmos that allow things like breaking any law of physics and the so-called "pocket dimensions." There was a strong heroine who was not only capable of beating numerous male enemies with strength, but also allowed her heart a bit of freedom and let her emotions free instead of bottling them up in some kind of strange femme-assassin stereotype. The move was dystopian, with a leader who is horrible and sick and twisted to the extreme. This film was something new, in ways, but more of a sort of reinvention of a meme.
The movie was Ultraviolet, and it sucked.
My avid fan friend, Mr. Herring, was touting the trailer for months, showing the High Definition trailer on his parents' Mactel to anyone who would sit still long enough to see it (Which, is not too hard to do, given the amazing trailer being played on the amazing Mac box). Unfortunately for us, the trailer contained every single last bit of that movie that was even approaching anything close to decent. The movie's plot was full of holes the size of the greater Little Rock metropolitan area, there was a definite overwhelming tendency to throw massive amounts of technology and terminology inside the movie with little or no backstory behind most, or any of it. Horrible acting. A dependence on CGI as eye candy to distract the viewer from the atrocious plot was a key element, one that is insulting to anyone who has an IQ above 30.
After researching this, I found that there was a strikingly similar television series in Britain. Airing in 1998 on Channel 4, the series name was Ultraviolet. Both series are about vampiric beings, and both try to explain the vampire mythos by creating a new, more scientific basis to the mythos rather than that bloody awful demon crap. In the movie Ultraviolet it was a pathogen that made people light-sensitive and strong and fast and such. In the TV series science could beat the vampires via carbon bullets instead of stakes, allicin (an antibiotic element in garlic) gas grenades, and special ultraviolet (haha!) lamps to fry the vamps. While I'm not too sure about this, I think there's a definite correlation between the two series, enough to initially support the idea that Ultraviolet is an adaptation of Ultraviolet.
Now, Anglophilism has a firm footing in the United States. Adaptation of television shows from Britain fill our channels, with a ill-fated adaptation of the The Office being on lately, Who's Line Is It, and other type shows are around. Now, there is one show above all else that proves once and for all that British Television does not necessarily instantly mean it is better television.
People's evidence 1: Heil Honey! I'm Home!
Sweet. Jesus. Christ. In. Heaven. This show is proof, once and for all, that television is hell. The synopsis and idea definitely goes beyond the pale in terms of shock and just outright bad ideas. The synopsis is:
Adolph Hitler and Eva Braun live in suburban Berlin, right next door to the Goldensteins. Take a wild guess what ethnic/religious group they would be from. The show, despite never lasting longer than its pilot, managed to make every single Jew joke in the book.
Which book? The National Socialist's party manifesto.
The show is like some retarded cousin of I Love Lucy. The male neighbors can't stand each other, the women love each other and are responsible for most of the hijinks. For instance, Hitler orders Eva to not tell the Goldensteins that Neville Camberlain is coming over for dinner (If you don't get the irony of this thing, go back to your high school history). Of course, Eva accidentally lets this tidbit of information slip and it ruins Hitler's dinner with the PM of Britain.
I cannot bring into being the words necessary to express the ideas of lunacy and insanity that must have allowed Channel 4 to bring this show to bear. All I can say is watch it yourself and sit with your jaw open. Then look at Ultraviolet. Make your own conclusions.
posted by .venganza. at
12:58 PM
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