Bash.org got nothing on me. ( I lie, they do )

(21:15:09) **me: How did the woods go
(21:15:24) Jacob Oliver: fucking ridiculous, man
(21:15:36) Jacob Oliver: okay, so...my brother gets the truck stuck in the mud behind our house
(21:15:58) Jacob Oliver: my mom eventually called my dad, and he told us not to do anything else until he arrived
(21:16:19) Jacob Oliver: (note: at this point, we had found a jack and were about ten minutes from solving the problem)
(21:17:24) **me: Nice
(21:17:30) Jacob Oliver: when he arrived, he drove back and forth repeatedly and waaay too fast, thus raising the number of submerged wheels from one to four, and the level of immersion from about five inches to over a foot
(21:17:42) Jacob Oliver: no room to get the jack under the goddamn vehicle
(21:19:34) Jacob Oliver: so, after exponentially worsening the problem, he demanded that we shovel all dirt from around the wheels, wedge in logs, and drive out--since most of these logs were too big and he forbade us to use the chainsaw (which was designed and purchased for this purpose), we had to move half the earth, which didn't work anyway, because the body of the truck was actually resting on the ground by then
(21:19:57) **me: ROFLcopter
(21:20:09) Jacob Oliver: eventually Andrew's girlfriend's dad came over with a wench, and thus around 8 hours of backbreaking labor ended with NOT A GODDAMN THING BEING DONE
(21:20:10) **me: So, you spent some time in playing with your dad's wood
(21:20:21) Jacob Oliver: nein
(21:20:27) Jacob Oliver: THOSE ARE MY GODDAMN LOGS NOW
(21:20:29) **me: I bet it was a hard tug
(21:20:34) **me: You make it sound so big
(21:20:35) Jacob Oliver: that's what she said
(21:21:03) **me: Wow. Sounds like you had to work it for a long time
(21:21:11) **me: Did it wear you out, your dad's huge log?
(21:21:19) Jacob Oliver: is this the only reason you wanted to get this story, was for these jokes?
(21:21:22) **me: Yes
(21:21:28) **me: and I will Facebook them at some point
(21:21:33) Jacob Oliver: because if it is, I'm pissed at you but have a lot of respect for you at the same time
(21:21:38) Jacob Oliver: you
(21:21:39) Jacob Oliver: are
(21:21:41) Jacob Oliver: the
(21:21:42) Jacob Oliver: world
(21:21:44) Jacob Oliver: 's
(21:21:46) Jacob Oliver: second
(21:21:48) Jacob Oliver: biggest
(21:21:49) Jacob Oliver: dick
(21:21:52) Jacob Oliver: .
(21:21:57) **me: the first is your dad and his huge wood?
(21:22:02) Jacob Oliver: yep
(21:22:19) **me: God, I rule.